Tuesday, March 22, 2016

I Am

Today I am going to practice being. Just being.

I'm pretty sure I've practiced this before.

But it takes a lot of focus, strangely, to just be.

Not to be a specific thing. Not to have the shield of purpose or the armor of occupational identity. Just to be.

Not even to be me, Lila Allen, with all the labels and adjectives I have accumulated over the years.

Just to be.

Today, I am.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Not beating the horse

Today I am going to practice not beating the horse.

I realize the phrase is "not beating a dead horse", but my horse is very much alive, thank you. Or my boat, car, unicorn, river... whatever vehicle is carrying my through this part of life's journey. It is alive and well, and it knows where I'm going. It is picking it's way along the path. All I have to do is be aware and open to the experience.

So, today I am going to practice allowing myself to be carried. Allowing myself to be in the moment. Allowing myself to receive information from the moment.

Today I am going to practice NOT drumming my heels against the horse's flank; NOT urging it to go faster, trying to reach something I recognize; NOT trying to puzzle out the destination. And NOT creating huge plans on possibilities.

We are all going through transformations. Every moment we are all learning and choosing. And some things we cannot know or be part of until someone else has made their choice. The truth of the moment changes by moment. And frankly, for me, when I try and connect with something too far in the future, I get a headache and I have to lie down and nothing gets done,

So I am going to relax. And allow myself to be carried forward. And make the decisions that need to be made in the moment. And try things that come up. And not try others.

And I am NOT going to beat the horse.

I hope you have a great day!