Breathing Sacred Space

A breathe of sacred space -
... Breathing, blowing away the toxic, frustrating energy
Inhaling and relaxing

...Breathing, Allowing, Acknowledging

Breathe before you speak

Today I am going to practice not making any decisions without stepping back and taking a breath.

It's been a whirlwind of a dark time, and I am so grateful for the sun. But if I've learned anything about myself these last few months, it's that I don't always know what I need to know.

At least not off the top of my head.

For example, I decide I want to become more healthy. I speak it in my daily meditation. I declare it to myself and to the universe.

And so, I learn that I need chiropractic work. And that I may be dehydrated. And sleep apnea rears it's snoring head. And. And. And.

which I am glad for. How can I feel better physically until I know what is in pain? What is in need? What needs attention?

The question then is how to balance HOW I respond, and focus, and work best with what is needed.

I could do the drama dance and bemoan my physical fate and join the club of people who, when asked how they are, have a book of health issues to define them.

Or I could take a step back, and realize these are not new issues, simply things I have been dealing with unconsiously. As I breathe I realize I am still alive. That hasn't changed. And I don't need to run around and be preoccupied with doctors and pills. I need to be aware. I could change everything, take every option, take all the pills, or I could try one thing at a time, see what changes. And then try something new.

Because everything is tied into everything else, also. Changing one thing may change a myriad of other things.

So today, when faced with the possibilities regarding my future productivity, I am not going to go with the whim of the moment (because frankly I change my mind based on the way the wind is blowing), nor am I going to allow the frantic Frannies in my head to start their own reality show on my future.

I am going to step back. Breathe. Be grateful for my options. Realize I am still alive. And decide what I want to do, and see what that changes.

I hope you're having a great day!
-Lila

Breathing. Step. Breathing. Step.

I can only do what I can do. And something all that is is take one step, before I need to pause and breath and go through my affirmations and... I think it should feel easier.

First of all, I have been trying for a year to follow the organizational patterns of David Allen's Getting Things Done! I love his idea. It is simple. It makes sense. It feels so doable!

But it feels the more I practice, the less I feel I have actually accomplished!

So, what am I to do? I can only do what I can do. I mean, that's a physical law. I can only do one thing at a time -- and yeah, I'm not even sure I can breathe properly and watch television simultaneously. Freaking out about stuff does not improve my productivity. But it feels like I'm trying to teach myself new stuff every day. Because I haven't gotten the pattern down. I haven't reached that point where I feel I am doing everything I want to do in all aspects of my life AND being happy about it!

Okay. I think we're back to muscling through. Part of the organizational steps is to be true to your calendar. And I have been trying to put things on certain days, give myself a chance (or a demand) to do them!

But then I run out of time. Or I sit, paralyzed, because I know this needs to be done, but I really want to do that. And how am I supposed to bring in money (which will enable me to have all my needs met) if I can't even sit down to work? 

So I hit the fear spiral again.

One thing I have learned is when I start freaking out, or heading into manic land, I need to stop. Breathe. Concentrate on what's in front of me. Because if I don't, nothing gets done.

Practice, practice, practice. And adapt. Some of the organizational concepts just haven't worked out for me. I'm not yet translating them into something that works for me. Something I can do. Cuz I do things differently. (shrug. It's a fact.)

So I shall continue to practice. Practice. Try it this way. Try it that. Take a step. Breathe. Take a step. Breathe.

And perhaps, as I stop and look at what I'm doing and where I am, I can divorce myself from "importance" or "necessary" and certainly from "judgment". It is what it is. I work as fast as I work. My brain operates differently than I remember it operating before. I am on different drugs, I live in a different space, I am a different person.

And every choice I make, every breath I do take, every step -- forward, or backward, or sideways -- is growth, change. Every second I am a different person. 

One step. Breathe. Look. One step. Breathe. Look. I CAN do what I can do. 

I hope you're having a great day!
-L