Breathing. Step. Breathing. Step.

I can only do what I can do. And something all that is is take one step, before I need to pause and breath and go through my affirmations and... I think it should feel easier.

First of all, I have been trying for a year to follow the organizational patterns of David Allen's Getting Things Done! I love his idea. It is simple. It makes sense. It feels so doable!

But it feels the more I practice, the less I feel I have actually accomplished!

So, what am I to do? I can only do what I can do. I mean, that's a physical law. I can only do one thing at a time -- and yeah, I'm not even sure I can breathe properly and watch television simultaneously. Freaking out about stuff does not improve my productivity. But it feels like I'm trying to teach myself new stuff every day. Because I haven't gotten the pattern down. I haven't reached that point where I feel I am doing everything I want to do in all aspects of my life AND being happy about it!

Okay. I think we're back to muscling through. Part of the organizational steps is to be true to your calendar. And I have been trying to put things on certain days, give myself a chance (or a demand) to do them!

But then I run out of time. Or I sit, paralyzed, because I know this needs to be done, but I really want to do that. And how am I supposed to bring in money (which will enable me to have all my needs met) if I can't even sit down to work? 

So I hit the fear spiral again.

One thing I have learned is when I start freaking out, or heading into manic land, I need to stop. Breathe. Concentrate on what's in front of me. Because if I don't, nothing gets done.

Practice, practice, practice. And adapt. Some of the organizational concepts just haven't worked out for me. I'm not yet translating them into something that works for me. Something I can do. Cuz I do things differently. (shrug. It's a fact.)

So I shall continue to practice. Practice. Try it this way. Try it that. Take a step. Breathe. Take a step. Breathe.

And perhaps, as I stop and look at what I'm doing and where I am, I can divorce myself from "importance" or "necessary" and certainly from "judgment". It is what it is. I work as fast as I work. My brain operates differently than I remember it operating before. I am on different drugs, I live in a different space, I am a different person.

And every choice I make, every breath I do take, every step -- forward, or backward, or sideways -- is growth, change. Every second I am a different person. 

One step. Breathe. Look. One step. Breathe. Look. I CAN do what I can do. 

I hope you're having a great day!
-L