The last two months have been, well, interesting. A journey through my beliefs, and the beginning of a connection with my body. A revelation in what drives my thought processes, and a stripping away of some illusions.
Happily, the rainbows and the unicorns remain. Because, really, without unicorns, why bother?
Further, as I have journeyed - well, more accurately, as I have traversed this leg of the journey - I have made connections to the further past. Through the last seven years, and even to the life before the heart attack.
Wow, I am one complex chick.
I wanted to say that I was practicing gratitude, today. I wanted to say I was so very grateful for the experience of the last two months, for reaching the pit of despair and coming back again. For having an opportunity to be in a place where I really needed all my tools, and where I sometimes didn't have the strength or the brain power to implement them.
For giving me the experience to really understand and connect with others.
But frankly, I am not yet grateful. I am still processing that past. My actions and reactions. Choices. Consequences. The world being what it is in this time and this place. I am still accepting why things were the way they were. And releasing any judgment that automatically tries to hammer down.
But I am celebrating. With tears and laughter and writing and reading. And walking in the park. And taking a break to fulfill responsibilities.
I am celebrating with awe that I am in a clear enough place to look back and see some cause and effect. Amazement that I am actually closer to the door of the outside than to the door of the dungeon.
And I AM grateful, to all of those who came through the journey with me, who helped by living their truths and being themselves to the best of their ability. I am grateful to the unicorns and spiritual beings who bore me up And I am grateful to myself, for being smart enough to continue reaching out to them. I am grateful to you, for being a place/person/being to bear witness.
Today I am celebrating the past. The glory, the horror. I am giving it its due. I am showcasing the nuggets of truth I have unearthed, and I am honoring every laugh and every tear.
This may take a while.
I hope you're having a great day / week/ month / year.
-Lila
Happily, the rainbows and the unicorns remain. Because, really, without unicorns, why bother?
Further, as I have journeyed - well, more accurately, as I have traversed this leg of the journey - I have made connections to the further past. Through the last seven years, and even to the life before the heart attack.
Wow, I am one complex chick.
I wanted to say that I was practicing gratitude, today. I wanted to say I was so very grateful for the experience of the last two months, for reaching the pit of despair and coming back again. For having an opportunity to be in a place where I really needed all my tools, and where I sometimes didn't have the strength or the brain power to implement them.
For giving me the experience to really understand and connect with others.
But frankly, I am not yet grateful. I am still processing that past. My actions and reactions. Choices. Consequences. The world being what it is in this time and this place. I am still accepting why things were the way they were. And releasing any judgment that automatically tries to hammer down.
But I am celebrating. With tears and laughter and writing and reading. And walking in the park. And taking a break to fulfill responsibilities.
I am celebrating with awe that I am in a clear enough place to look back and see some cause and effect. Amazement that I am actually closer to the door of the outside than to the door of the dungeon.
And I AM grateful, to all of those who came through the journey with me, who helped by living their truths and being themselves to the best of their ability. I am grateful to the unicorns and spiritual beings who bore me up And I am grateful to myself, for being smart enough to continue reaching out to them. I am grateful to you, for being a place/person/being to bear witness.
Today I am celebrating the past. The glory, the horror. I am giving it its due. I am showcasing the nuggets of truth I have unearthed, and I am honoring every laugh and every tear.
This may take a while.
I hope you're having a great day / week/ month / year.
-Lila
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